http://ryanmartinsen.com/ Ryan Martinsen 2023-01-01T11:30:00Z Ryan Martinsen https://ryanmartinsen.com/about tag:ryanmartinsen.com,2023-01-01:/article/books-i-read-in-2022/ Books I read in 2022 2023-01-01T11:30:00Z 2023-01-01T11:30:00Z <p>My goal for 2022 was to read 22 books. I only managed 9. Have you heard people say that having 3 kids is significantly more difficult than 2 kids? It’s 100% true. We’re out numbered. It didn’t help that the 3rd kid was sick a lot (4 ER visits plus a 6 nights in a hospital for COVID, RSV, and a Rhinovirus). I also started a new job in March.</p> <p>So I&rsquo;m shooting to read 15 books in 2023. It feels optimistic, but I need some optimism in my&nbsp;life.</p> <p>Here&rsquo;s the list of books I read in 2022, organized by date read.</p> <ol> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57936600">Where the Deer and the Antelope Play: The Pastoral Observations of One Ignorant American Who Loves to Walk Outside</a> by Nick Offerman</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52767659">The End of Everything</a> by Katie Mack</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/164154">A Canticle for Leibowitz</a> by Walter M. Miller Jr.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40376072">Children of Ruin</a> by Adrian Tchaikovsky</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18007533">One More Thing: Stories and Other Stories</a> by B.J. Novak — I went into this thinking it was going to be real stories, sorta like David Sedaris novels. It was not.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/55030">Cosmos</a> by Carl Sagan</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17349">The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark</a> by Carl Sagan</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/55145261">The Anthropocene Reviewed</a> by John Green — I loved this.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/54511226">Dawnshard</a> by Brandon Sanderson</p></li> </ol> tag:ryanmartinsen.com,2022-01-07:/article/books-i-read-in-2021/ Books I read in 2021 2022-01-07T11:30:00Z 2022-01-07T11:30:00Z <p>My goal for 2021 was to read 20 books. I read 24! I&rsquo;m going for 22 in&nbsp;2022.</p> <p>Here&rsquo;s the list of books I read in 2021, organized by date read.</p> <ol> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26077627-a-grief-observed">A Grief Observed</a> by C.S. Lewis</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40265832-how-to-be-an-antiracist">How to Be an Antiracist</a> by Ibram X. Kendi</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25489625-between-the-world-and-me">Between the World and Me</a> by Ta-Nehisi Coates</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43708708-white-fragility">White Fragility</a> by Robin DiAngelo</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/48989372-a-very-punchable-face">A Very Punchable Face</a> by Colin Jost</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23692271-sapiens">Sapiens: A Brief History of Humankind</a> by Yuval Noah Harari</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18656030-cibola-burn">Cibola Burn (The Expanse, #4)</a> by James S.A. Corey. I started this series before watching the TV show adaptation <a href="https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3230854/">The Expanse</a> on Prime Video. The show has gone past what I&rsquo;ve read so I&rsquo;m now playing catch up. There are enough differences between the books and show to still make these a fun read.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52391979-bridges">Bridges: Ministering to Those Who Question</a> by David B. Ostler. Highly recommended for members of the LDS (Mormon) church who want to understand and maintain relationships with those who question or even leave the church.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16131032-abaddon-s-gate">Abaddon&rsquo;s Gate (The Expanse #3)</a> by James S.A. Corey. Yes, I did accidentally read book four before book three. The TV show already covered both books so it wasn&rsquo;t a big deal, thankfully.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22886612-nemesis-games">Nemesis Games (The Expanse #5)</a> by James S.A. Corey</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4138.Naked">Naked</a> by David Sedaris</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15790837-let-s-explore-diabetes-with-owls">Let&rsquo;s Explore Diabetes with Owls</a> by David Sedaris</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25000565-oh-god-not-again">Oh God Not Again!</a> by Sarah1281</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25877663-babylon-s-ashes">Babylon&rsquo;s Ashes (The Expanse, #6)</a> by James S.A. Corey</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/58419574-lux">Lux (Texas Reckoners, #1)</a> by Brandon Sanderson</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/54493401-project-hail-mary">Project Hail Mary</a> by Andy Weir. Excellent book.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28335696-persepolis-rising">Persepolis Rising (The Expanse, #7)</a> by James S.A. Corey</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28335698-tiamat-s-wrath">Tiamat&rsquo;s Wrath (The Expanse, #8)</a> by James S.A. Corey</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29868610-scrappy-little-nobody">Scrappy Little Nobody</a> by Anna Kendrick</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52894214-the-new-one">The New One: Painfully True Stories from a Reluctant Dad</a> by Mike Birbiglia</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/25499718-children-of-time">Children of Time (Children of Time, #1)</a> by Adrian Tchaikovsky. I absolutely loved this.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/57571215-cytonic">Cytonic (Skyward, #3)</a> by Brandon Sanderson</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/28335699-leviathan-falls">Leviathan Falls (The Expanse, #9)</a> by James S.A. Corey</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/41104077-invisible-women">Invisible Women: Data Bias in a World Designed for Men</a> by Caroline Criado Pérez. Wow. I thought I knew how big of a dumpster fire the world is for women, but it&rsquo;s so much worse than I thought. Highly recommended.</p></li> </ol> tag:ryanmartinsen.com,2021-01-02:/article/books-i-read-in-2020/ Books I read in 2020 2021-01-02T02:30:00Z 2021-01-02T02:30:00Z <p>These are the books I read during the untamed, rampant dumpster fire of a year that was 2020, organized by date read.</p> <ol> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/42769202-starsight">Starsight (Skyward #2)</a> by Brandon Sanderson.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/513210.Darksaber">Darksaber</a> by Kevin J. Anderson. This is the first Star Wars book I&rsquo;ve read/listened to. The audiobook had a bunch of sound effects which I found distracting.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/30613608-age-of-death">Age of Death (The Legends of the First Empire, #5)</a> by Michael J. Sullivan</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.amazon.com/Educated-Memoir-Tara-Westover/dp/0399590501">Educated</a> by Tara Westover</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26030703-disrupted">Disrupted: My Misadventure in the Start-Up Bubble</a> by Dan Lyons</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/9418327-bossypants">Bossypants</a> by Tina Fey</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/20910157-yes-please">Yes Please!</a> by Amy Poehler</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52300107-caffeine">Caffeine: How Caffeine Created the Modern World</a> by Michael Pollan</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23654840-age-of-empyre">Age of Empyre (The Legends of the First Empire #6)</a> by Michael J. Sullivan</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52088245-the-aleph-extraction">The Aleph Extraction (The Galactic Cold War, #2)</a> by Dan Moren</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/38348476-calypso">Calypso</a> by David Sedaris</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4137.Me_Talk_Pretty_One_Day">Me Talk Pretty One Day</a> by David Sedaris</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29780253-born-a-crime">Born a Crime: Stories From a South African Childhood</a> by Trevor Noah</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/45015255-i-am-c-3po">I Am C-3PO: The Inside Story</a> by Anthony Daniels</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10176.Dress_Your_Family_in_Corduroy_and_Denim">Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim</a> by David Sedaris</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1044355.When_You_Are_Engulfed_in_Flames">When You Are Engulfed in Flames</a> by David Sedaris</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36373629-planet-funny">Planet Funny: How Comedy Took Over Our Culture</a> by Ken Jennings</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/49021976-rhythm-of-war">Rhythm of War (The Stormlight Archive, #4)</a>, by Brandon Sanderson</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/50994066-the-lost-sapphire-of-azure-isle">The Lost Sapphire of Azure Isle (Shadow Sovereign, #2)</a>, by Vona Stewart</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/46255017-hollowpox">Hollowpox: The Hunt for Morrigan Crow (Nevermoor, #3)</a>, Jessica Townsend</p></li> </ol> tag:ryanmartinsen.com,2020-03-09:/article/30-minute-toast/ 30 minute toast 2020-03-09T10:00:00Z 2020-03-09T10:00:00Z <p>One day over a decade ago I was working from a friend&rsquo;s house. He got up off his computer proclaiming, &ldquo;I&rsquo;m going to go make toast.&rdquo; He returned 30 minutes later, having made toast and eaten it. Plain toast. Not fancy avocado toast. Just plain toasted bread with butter.</p> <p>30 minutes.</p> <p>Toast has a half life of about 10 seconds<sup class="footnote-ref" id="fnref:1-2020-03-09"><a href="#fn:1-2020-03-09">1</a></sup>. You gotta grab it directly out of a hot toaster and butter it quickly. The hotter the better. If you&rsquo;re not risking your life by grabbing the toast then you&rsquo;re waiting too long. Wait too long and you&rsquo;re going to be eating hard bread with cold butter on it.</p> <p>How was my friend&rsquo;s toast even edible? Did he bake the bread first? Was the bread frozen and he thawed it out by holding the entire loaf over an air conditioning vent? Did he think toast meant leaving bread out until it gets stale?</p> <p>These questions have plagued me for the last decade.</p> <div class="footnotes"> <hr /> <ol> <li id="fn:1-2020-03-09">This is why it&rsquo;s impossible to get good toast at a restaurant. <a class="footnote-return" href="#fnref:1-2020-03-09">↩</a></li> </ol> </div> tag:ryanmartinsen.com,2020-03-08:/article/parenting-lots-of-kids/ Parenting lots of kids 2020-03-08T04:00:00Z 2020-03-08T04:00:00Z <p>Ever notice that people with 20 children are like, &ldquo;after the 3rd kid I stopped noticing any additional work! it totally gets easier. ha ha ha ha&rdquo;</p> <p>I think they’re all completely broken inside.</p> tag:ryanmartinsen.com,2020-01-03:/article/books-i-read-in-2019/ Books I read in 2019 2020-01-03T02:30:00Z 2020-01-03T02:30:00Z <p>My goal for 2019 was to read 12 books. I re-read 12 books and read 6 new ones for a total of 18. I&rsquo;m including all the books I re-read in my list here this year.</p> <p>I&rsquo;m going for 15 in&nbsp;2020.</p> <p>Here&rsquo;s the list of books I read in 2019, organized by date read.</p> <ol> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36642458-skyward">Skyward</a> by Brandon Sanderson. This book is different from his usual books in that its a sci-fi book instead of fantasy. Turns out, he can do sci-fi extremely well.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3.Harry_Potter_and_the_Sorcerer_s_Stone">Harry Potter and the Sorcerer&rsquo;s Stone</a> by J.K. Rowling. I re-read these every few years.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26228034-the-obelisk-gate">The Obelisk Gate (The Broken Earth, #2)</a> by N.K. Jemisin. These books are incredibly well written and excellent, but I&rsquo;m not sure I can continue the series. It&rsquo;s weird: I like the story, but it takes too much mental effort for me to keep up.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/36260006-wundersmith">Wundersmith: The Calling of Morrigan Crow (Nevermoor #2)</a> by Jessica Townsend. Wonderfully magical series.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15881.Harry_Potter_and_the_Chamber_of_Secrets">Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets</a> by J.K. Rowling.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5.Harry_Potter_and_the_Prisoner_of_Azkaban">Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban</a> by J.K. Rowling.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6.Harry_Potter_and_the_Goblet_of_Fire">Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire</a> by J.K. Rowling.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2.Harry_Potter_and_the_Order_of_the_Phoenix">Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix</a> by J.K. Rowling.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/1.Harry_Potter_and_the_Half_Blood_Prince">Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince</a> by J.K. Rowling.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/136251.Harry_Potter_and_the_Deathly_Hallows">Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows</a> by J.K. Rowling.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/39332065-legion">Legion: The Many Lives of Stephen Leeds</a> by Brandon Sanderson.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/40700566-the-bayern-agenda">The Bayern Agenda</a> by Dan Moren.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/33080122-the-calculating-stars">The Calculating Stars</a> by Mary Robinette Kowal.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/22819354-age-of-legend">Age of Legend (The Legends of the First Empire, #4)</a> by Michael J. Sullivan. Solid installment in a very good series.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10790290-theft-of-swords">Theft of Swords (The Riyria Revelations, #1-2)</a> by Michael J. Sullivan. First time re-reading this series. Just as good the second time through it.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/10790277-rise-of-empire">Rise of Empire (The Riyria Revelations, #3-4)</a> by Michael J. Sullivan.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/44777327-heir-of-novron">Heir of Novron (The Riyria Revelations, #5-6)</a> by Michael J. Sullivan.</p></li> <li><p><a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/16043804-the-crown-tower">The Crown Tower (The Riyria Chronicles, #1)</a> by Michael J. Sullivan. This is a prequel to the Riyria Revelations, but if you do read the series read this one after the Revelations series.</p></li> </ol> tag:ryanmartinsen.com,2019-09-23:/article/rejected-medical-definitions/ Rejected Medical Definitions 2019-09-23T17:50:00Z 2019-09-23T17:50:00Z <p><strong>blister</strong> | ˈblistər |<br /> noun</p> <ol> <li>painful bubble</li> <li>ouchy</li> </ol> <p><strong>zit</strong> | zit |<br /> noun <em>informal</em></p> <ol> <li>embarassing bubble</li> <li>mount faceuvius</li> </ol> <p><strong>canker</strong> | ˈkaNGkər |<br /> noun</p> <ol> <li>a rift in time and space</li> </ol> <p><strong>ingrown toenail</strong> | ˈinɡrōn ˈtōˌnāl |<br /> noun</p> <ol> <li>satan&rsquo;s revenge</li> </ol> <p><strong>hemorrhoid</strong> | ˈhem(ə)ˌroid | (British haemorrhoid)<br /> noun</p> <ol> <li>the Spanish word for &ldquo;gross&rdquo;</li> </ol> <p><strong>diarrhea</strong> | ˌdīəˈrēə | (British diarrhoea)<br /> noun</p> <ol> <li>a real bummer</li> </ol> tag:ryanmartinsen.com,2019-08-20:/article/tastes-like-caramel/ Tastes Like Caramel 2019-08-20T10:00:00Z 2019-08-20T10:00:00Z <p>Have you ever had a meal with people who only eat <del>super gross</del> super healthy food? They’ve often been on these gross diets for so long that they think their health food alternatives taste&nbsp;good.</p> <p>They’ll be like, &ldquo;Mmmmmm have a bite of this locally sourced kale mash. I added a bit of honey and it tastes like real&nbsp;caramel.&rdquo;</p> <p>Spoiler: it doesn’t taste like caramel.</p> <p>They have forgotten what caramel tastes like.</p> <p>Fake caramel tastes better.</p> <p>These people should wear little dietary bracelets that say, &ldquo;healthy eater.&rdquo; That way emergency medical professionals will know they can revive them by putting actual caramel in their mouths<sup class="footnote-ref" id="fnref:2019-08-20"><a href="#fn:2019-08-20">1</a></sup>. They will wake up and think they&rsquo;re in&nbsp;heaven.</p> <div class="footnotes"> <hr /> <ol> <li id="fn:2019-08-20">Don&rsquo;t ever do this to a passed out or sleeping&nbsp;person. <a class="footnote-return" href="#fnref:2019-08-20">↩</a></li> </ol> </div> tag:ryanmartinsen.com,2019-07-31:/article/throwing-pickles-at-enemies/ Throwing Pickles at Enemies 2019-07-31T10:00:00Z 2019-07-31T10:00:00Z <p>On New Year&rsquo;s Eve in 2018 we ate dessert at Disney&rsquo;s Contemporary Restort Hotel. Afterwards, we took an elevator as high as we could get without a key card. Then we found an exit to the stairs on the outside of the building so we could watch the Magic Kingdom&nbsp;fireworks.</p> <p>I&rsquo;m not personally afraid of heights, but I am afraid of heights on behalf of my kids. You know, because of their general lack of life experience and understanding of things like heights. So we warned the kids to just stay away from the railings. Period. And they did. They were great. Whew.</p> <p>I was holding my then 4-year-old while waiting for the fireworks to start. He expressed his worry that the wind might blow us and cause me to drop him off the edge. We were not standing close to the edge. I assured him I would never drop him. He asks why. I say, because I love you and also I&rsquo;m not standing close to the edge. He accepts&nbsp;this.</p> <p>At this point I could&rsquo;ve stopped, but instead I helpfully added that I wouldn’t throw anything off the building, not even things I didn’t love. Like what, he asks? Like a pickle, I say. I wouldn’t even throw off a pickle and I hate pickles. Why? Because they’re gross. Why wouldn’t you throw it off? Because I wouldn’t wish a pickle upon my worst enemy. Not even a pickle traveling at its terminal velocity. He says he doesn’t like pickles either and that he’d throw them&nbsp;off.</p> <p>But the truth is I’d throw pickles at my enemies. Willingly and happily. This works out especially well if my enemies like pickles. Maybe they’ll be like, hey thanks for the pickles. I won’t be your enemy anymore, pickle friend. You are now my pickle friend. Please throw more pickles at me. I want pickles. But then I’ll regret making my enemies into friends. So then I start throwing other things at my friends in an attempt to make them go away because I’m running out of money and I just want to go back to the way things were before I decided to throw pickles at people. So it&rsquo;s just better if I never throw pickles at my&nbsp;enemies.</p> <p>In closing, I would like to expound upon why I don’t like&nbsp;pickles.</p> <p>You know how when you&rsquo;re a kid and you hate food because it&rsquo;s gross? But adults say it&rsquo;s not gross and maybe you should just try it, for the love of everything holy? And then you&rsquo;re like, I don&rsquo;t know, you don&rsquo;t seem that smart to me. You&rsquo;re just&nbsp;bigger.</p> <p>That is why I still hate pickles. I&rsquo;ve gotten bigger than I was when I was 7, but I&rsquo;m still just as smart. I may have forgotten that other things are gross, like onions and tomatoes, but I will not forget about&nbsp;pickles.</p> tag:ryanmartinsen.com,2019-07-29:/article/mutant-sludge/ Mutant Sludge 2019-07-29T00:30:00Z 2019-07-29T00:30:00Z <p>Sometimes, when I throw stuff in the trash or separate something that’s part cardboard and part unrecyclable plastic I’ll imagine that they’re close friends being separated forever.</p> <p>The cardboard will cry out, &ldquo;I love you! I always have! We’ll meet again in the afterlife!&rdquo;</p> <p>And the plastic is like, &ldquo;There is no afterlife for me, you beautiful fool! You will be remade into a Trader Joe’s grocery bag and fall in love with a lemon chicken and arugula salad, but I’ll spend spend a hundred thousand years next to a plastic-wrapped, poo-filled diaper that over time grows into a mutant sludge. The sludge will eventually break free to pursue its lifelong dream of starting a comic book franchise. Farewell forever.&rdquo;</p> <p>Whenever this happens I back slowly away from the garbage can and apologize to the earth.</p> <p>Sorry, Earth.</p>